What are they thinking about me?

What are they thinking about me?

This conversation happened a few days ago. Ashok is a client of mine, working with a top IT firm, a very successful man with a great track record.

“I hesitate in expressing myself in important meetings especially when seniors are present. I don’t know why,” he said.

“What is your hesitation about?” I asked.

“I am worried about what are they thinking about me,” he responded.

“What do you assume they are thinking about you?” I probed.

“Ah, I don’t know but maybe they are thinking that this guy is not articulate enough, his point of view is not that important, he is not confident of himself and so on,” he said with a worried tone.

“Have they told you this or these are assumptions you are making?” I asked.

“Well, nobody told me this, but I am assuming this,” Ashok said.

“Are these assumptions useful for you? Are they empowering you?” I asked.

“Not at all, these assumptions are pulling me down all the time and then I hesitate in talking in meetings and later I feel guilty about not communicating my point of view,” he said.

“Ok, then let’s look at it from the other side, what assumptions can you make that will empower you?” I asked.

“In that case, I can assume a few positive things, I can say that they want to hear my point of view, I am coming across as a confident and articulate person, I am adding value to the conversations and so on,” Ashok said with excitement.

After a pause, he said “Most importantly, I am realizing that I am making this up in my own head. And if at all I make assumptions then it’s better that I make positive ones rather than the ones that pull me down.”

#coaching #careercoaching #leadershipcoaching #careermentor #mindset #careergrowth #selftalkmatters #selfesteem

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